Retained

The school year ended a few weeks ago... and I was in constant contact with my son's teacher... so I knew.. they were thinking of retaining him.. The graduation... was so cute... and I loved hearing ... songs... I once sang with my pre-k students.. song by MY son... but it was bittersweet.. to know.. some of the friends he made this year... would move on to first grade.. and he would be left in the dust.. and maybe they would forget him... BUT deep inside.. I was sure I was making the right decision... or was I ?

 

I can't help but feel like I failed him in some way.. not preparing him for 1st grade.. I have taught many pre-k students... to read, to be more independent... but my own son not ready.....?

 I have noticed.. that people like to tell me what to do.. as if I was a 19 year old.. just learning the ropes... I had my grandmother.. tell me that I should fight the decision... to hold him back.. and just send him to 1st... Why ??/ would I want to do that.... and have him struggle.. .in 1st... how is that helpful??? Many people believe you should not have a child repeat kindergarten... the theory is that experts warn that the risks may outweigh the benefits....
  Like many other mothers...  I do realize that success in kindergarten depends on many factors, not all intellectual..... I know they take in to account... fine motor skills ( in which my son's are weak) they take in to account social emotional issues.... I know developmentally that some kids can read...by the end of Kindergarten...but with all the practice I did with my son with flashcards... (sight words) he still was not blending or chunking words....and 1st grade is a lot of reading.. and if he can't do it.. isn't it going to be that much harder.. and his ADHD... has him a bit out of focus.. too... so that is 2 strikes.... against him... so I thought... why not... give him a little more time?

Some one told me it's a gift of time.. for my son to be retained.. and I agreed, until I heard someone say.. It's a waste of time...then I read this quote- and became... a little unsure
," Schools that favor retention ignore the research, which has shown that most children don't catch up when held back. There may be individual cases in which a child benefits, such as it he missed a lot of school because of illness or a move, or if he has significant delays in all areas of development, but according to organizations such as NAYEC, the National Education Association, and the National Association of School Psychologists, the best option in most cases is to provide specific support to help the student catch up during the remainder of kindergarten, over the summer, and in the first grade."
 After reading this information... I was torn... I have  a reading tutor.. hired for the summer.. .. but now.. should I send him to first??? or stick to the teachers' recommendation.. about retention?

Then people started talking about the social stigma of being held back... and how it can have a major impact on a child's attitude... Really?????? at age 6?????  they even went as far to say that boys that are held back in kindergarten, by middle school...have behavior problems and are bored ??? Not sure I agree....

I wanted my son retained... but I wanted him to have another teacher... not because I had any problems with his kindergarten teacher... I didn't.. but I felt he needed to have a different educational experience, as well as interventions and support to address his areas of need.

In the end the issue is about the kids and about how we collectively define learning.Perhaps the intense pressure at a young age amongst those financially capable of sending their kids to private school stems from a  a national public education system that is profoundly broken, where many kids cannot ever read to grade level.

As parents we should know better than to put our anxiety on our kids like some kind of disease. Education is suppose to be an adventure, one that is largely directed by the child's own passions... and I try to nurture that.. by day trips...and lessons plans... in my home. My husband is a science teacher and I can see my son's eyes light up like a Christmas tree when  my husband brings home something science related and my son discovers it new and eagerly.

 

Learning grows like a weed among children when it is shared. One child reinforces another's learning. It is a much a process for the group as the individual.

I have noticed that more boys are being held back. We know that the development of verbal skills for boys at that age can be 12 to 18 months behind girls, yet they are in the same classrooms with similar, if not identical, expectations.

I can't be sure I made the right decision.. in keeping my son back.. I tell him it's a change to play more and get his brain bigger... but I hope it allows him to be on the older end, rather than the younger end, maybe it will allow him to start for a sports team as opposed to sitting on the bench. He may be one of the first to drive....

I know that there are people who disagree with me.. but I have to do what I feel is right for me, and my son.

   I wish kindergarten had had more play... and recess was not a thing of the past... but I have to hope... that  he grows a little more mature this summer... and that he does not have trouble... reading....

K is for Kindergarten

SO I am still doing the Alphabet challenge from A to Z and today is letter K.
I am going out of town this am till late tonight-so I will post my KINDERGARTEN pictures later, going to a baby shower in Long Island- long day but it should be fun.
When you hear the word Kindergarten what comes to mind? fear, worry, happiness or relief?
I think of worry  because my son is not ready socially and I am not ready for him to go yet emotionally. He is my only son. You may also have a little fear that your son or daughter is not ready for kindergarten or maybe you are just sad that they will ride the bus and you can't full protect them any more.  OR maybe you are ready for them to leave the nest so you can have some me time or mom time. A quick aside: A friend of mine had 2 girls she told me that she would NOT cry when her oldest went to Kindergarten she is not a big crier. She told me her daughter had gotten a bit fresh and she was ready to have her go for a few hours all day. So the big day came and she was not emotional at all but when her daughter sat down on the bus she began to bawl. She then continued to get into her car and follow the bus crying and waving good-bye. It turns out that bus drivers are to call dispatch and let them know if a car follows a bus for more than 4 miles, so needless to say, a police officer stopped her to tell her this and to tell her to go home and relax and have a cup of tea.  SO FUNNY and don't those men know our maternal instincts.

 Speaking of tea- I have been a pre-k teacher and a kindergarten teacher for many years and my private school did not have busing so the parents would drop off there kindergartners sometimes with fathers, always with cameras and of course some of them were crying.  I would always give them a survival kit, that morning which included....
Dearest Kindergarten Parents,
Here is a little "gift" for you as you leave your precious one with me on the first day of school. As you hold this cotton ball in your hand, the softness will help you to
remember the gentle spirit of your child. After you've gone home and dried
your tears, make yourself a hot cup of tea . Put up your feet and
relax. Remember that together you and I will work for your child to be the
best they can be.
Thank you for entrusting your child to me for the coming school year. I will
do my very best every day to be your child's guide in learning and exploring
this bright, new world they've just stepped into.
Sincerely,
(your signature)
(Put poem in a ziplock bag with the following items: a cotton ball, a Kleenex and a tea bag)

  On another thought about Kindergarten what do you remember about YOUR kindergarten. I have very few memories from Kindergarten, my memory only remembers third grade.   I remember the first day of school on the school bus and a girl was crying the entire ride to school, I asked her,"Don't worry don't miss your mom you will have fun." she told me I don't miss my mom, I am afraid the bus driver won't remember where I live when we go home and I will never find her again. I told her that the bus driver would remember. We became friends.  Later on in the year a neighbor taught me how to tie my shoes, my son will be lucky to learn this skill before he is 7 years old- boys are so different- Laugh out loud!!!
Kindergartners are one of my favorite ages to work with, they learn quickly and become to love literature and after a few months they can draw such great pictures in there journals. I miss that age group.
 Let's not forget the ever popular poem: ( not the exact one but the idea of it)
All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be I learned in kindergarten.

• Share everything.
• Play fair.
• Don't hit people.
• Put things back where you found them.
• Clean up your own mess.
• Don't take things that aren't yours.
• Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
• Wash your hands before you eat.
• Flush.
• Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
• Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
• Take a nap every afternoon.
• When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
• Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
• Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.
• And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.

Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and equality and sane living.
Take any one of those items and extrapolate it into sophisticated adult terms and apply it to your family life or your work or government or you relilgion.
SO KEEP the memory alive of KINDERGARTEN and don't cry too much the day you put your child on the bus for the first time. Maybe sing a little KARAOKE .
Tomorrow's post is letter L for Life renewal it's a good one so you don't want to miss it.