Free 28 Day Holiday Challenge

Free 28 Day Holiday Challenge
Slow down this holiday season- click on the snow to find out more about this challenge

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

the long PAUSE in the dressing room

I am behind in my 31 day posts about PAUSE... Today I took Pause in a dressing room.
Today my mother in law invited me to lunch and then to do some retail shopping. I didn't really want to go, I had a lot of work to do and in all honesty dislike retail shopping. I know some of you call it retail therapy, but unless it's a small fun boutique or a book store, I usually pass.
 So I haven't been inside a retail clothing store dressing room in more than a year. I KNOW crazy, I run into Kohl's once in awhile and buy a shirt off the wrack- and don't bother to try it on.  I always think it's because I don't want to take the time to go in the dressing room, but today I learned the real reason.

Growing up I was skinny- into high school and college I had a concave stomach, and I could finish off a burger, fries and a shake and not gain a lb. IN my 30's things started to change. I am an emotional eater to top things off, and when I am stressed I eat.  That being said, over the years I have gained and lost weight. I was in great shape the 9 months that I went vegan and was running 4 miles every day. My business began to grow, my son's school needs changed and I began to work at the computer longer than I would like to admit, doing school work, advertising, blog posts and writing content for my detoxes and health coaching programs.

But now back to the department store... we pulled up and I was full of naive hope as I grabbed my purse and headed with my MIL inside. I loved all the fall colored cardigans, and the cowl neck dresses. I had a little spring in my step as I walked closer to one of the mannequins that seemed to be leaning toward me to say, come on buy something. Everything was more expensive than I thought it would be, but my mother in law said she she had a 25% off coupon and not to worry. So I loaded up my arm with a few things and headed to the dressing room.
  What I saw in that reflection- perplexed me- DID I really look like this? a frumpy women trying to fit into clothes from Taylor Swifts closet? Above my waistline was a bulge pooching out. My hair looked awful and my flabby arms, well you couldn't miss them. The double mirrors, angled cruelly and looking at the back of the dress I was trying on was very unpleasant. I couldn't get away from it, I looked like a different person- Someone I really didn't want to be acquainted with. I am not condoning self loathing and I was not trying to be so self-critical but I felt defeated standing in that mirror. ME the health coach.
  BUT this is the real me. THE true me that I hide from lately, and try to ignore, but the mirrors showed me it can't be ignored any more. YES, I could ignore the mirrors, not go back to a retail dressing room and say the truth is relative. BUT I was not walking the walk as a coach. It hit me really hard, I felt like a fraud, I didn't feel like my genuine self. How did I let myself go again, I eat the right things and I stay away from GMO, dairy and gluten, how could I be so flabby and out of shape. I spend many hours at my desk working without movement, and I see clients sitting and on the phone or skype and I don't move as much as I use to.

I am on the cusp of transition, my business is growing bigger and I get more an more clients weekly.I think a part of me is terrified. I feel what if I am not good enough, or I don't know enough- or I don't deserve this.  I know it's ok to be afraid, I tell my clients this all the time, Fear is natural. But not if fear paralyzes you. Maybe I am not my ideal body yet, but I am one hell of a lot closer than I was 2 years ago. It's about the journey not the race - right? I don't want to have limiting beliefs about myself and I know the choice is up to me. I know with all my heart that my coaching has helped my clients, I know I am good at what I do. I know my clean eating support group is going to be a huge success to many women and I know I am spreading a healthy message for as many women as I can reach. I help people with self-care and self-love and I have gotten countless letters telling me so, so why do I feel I am a fraud. I can see the beauty in other people, why can't I see it in myself.  I am dependable and driven coach. YES, I have room for improvement in my business and with  my own body.

So what does all this mean? it means I am enough, but I am going to make a better effort to add more movement into my life, and do things I do enjoy even if I am behind on a school module, a monthly newsletter or a program I want to launch soon.  This couldn't have happened at a better time as I am taking a online class with Brene Brown October 2oth and we are reading her book The gifts of imperfection....

May your dreams be bigger than your fears... and maybe I will see you in the gym, in front of my P90X dvd, or walking my 4 miles again. ( NO, I didn't end up buying anything) but maybe in a few weeks, I will see progress and buy my self a reward for efforts made.  So know I know the real reason why I don't like retail shopping because that me I see in the angeled 3 sided mirror, is the me, I was trying to avoid, until today.


Beth Wittig said...

I LOVE THIS LISA!!!! SO so so so so much bravery.

Julissie said...

Proud to call you my friend! Hugsxo

Fountain of Health

Fountain of Health

Trying to lose weight and gain more energy?

how far have you come to visit?

My Blog List

parent/ blogs

vegan blogs


plant based blogs

Blog Archive


letters of love from china (5) Are you in a book club? (3) Higland NY (3) (3) death (3) elf on the shelf (3) mothers day (3) muffin tin monday (3) photography (3) tablescape (3) 15 top books (2) Ashley (2) Letter S is the A to Z challenge (2) adoption (2) ashley sisk (2) books (2) caffeine (2) cinco de mayo (2) (2) depression (2) easter (2) eggs (2) emotions (2) facebook (2) food (2) friends (2) gaining weight (2) gingerbread decorating party (2) help (2) journaling (2) kindergarten (2) lavender ice cream (2) male end of the year gifts (2) parties (2) pink and green thursday (2) questions (2) scavenger hunt (2) summer wedding (2) weight watchers (2) #2 (1) 10 best things about my christmas (1) 1st in a series from A-z. (1) 20 minute meals (1) 200 follower (1) 2011 best blogs (1) 5 minutes peace (1) 5 question friday from fivecookedhalos (1) 5 top books (1) 504 main (1) ADHD (1) ARuba (1) Alicia Quintana (1) Alzheimers (1) Asparagus (1) Benmarl winery (1) Between YOU and ME (1) Chuang Yen Monastery (1) DO you have an elf on your shelf? (1) Dear Mrs. LaRue (1) Demetia (1) E.L.F make up (1) Escoffier (1) Farm market food (1) Father (1) Fawn (1) Fine arts (1) Forgiveness (1) Giveaway MAY (1) Happy for no reason (1) Highlandcafe (1) Hoboken (1) Jan (1) Jones farm (1) Leave me a comment please (1) March (1) Mark Teague (1) May 1st (1) Millbrok (1) Miss. Dutchess county Pageant (1) Mommy's piggy tales (1) NAPA valley (1) NJ (1) Nitendo wii giveaway (1) Oblong Millerton NY (1) Patrick's day clues and fun (1) Pier 1... and tasting party (1) Post office in pre-k (1) Proust (1) Pysanky (1) Salmon (1) St. pat's lunch (1) Steve Ciancio Auto body (1) Umami (1) Vassar Collge (1) Victoria Martorano (1) WIN (1) Westpoint Ny (1) Xenium (1) Y is for (1) You'll be in my heart (1) Yummee cupcake cafe (1) Zinfindel (1) a jornal for jordan (1) adhdmomma (1) adventures in bento making (1) and name of Lisa (1) ann landers (1) apiphobia (1) artistic (1) aspargaus primavera (1) authors (1) autism (1) back tatoo (1) backyard flock (1) bake me a wish (1) barnes and noble (1) beach (1) bed and breakfast (1) bento boxes (1) bird (1) bisphenol-A free cans (1) black pumpkin (1) blog (1) blog hop (1) blog party (1) bloom into fashion (1) book club holilday party (1) book fair (1) book review (1) bree tanner (1) bride and groom corpse (1) bridesmaids the movie girls not out night (1) bulletin board (1) bumble bee (1) cake boss (1) calm (1) camera (1) candy apples (1) canfield casino in congress park (1) carmel (1) carnival (1) cell phone use (1) chair (1) change your life (1) charlie smith (1) charming place (1) cheating (1) cheesecake (1) chicken coop (1) childhood (1) children's books (1) children's miracle network (1) chipmunks... (1) chocolate rabbits. (1) christmas tree farm (1) clean eating (1) coffe on the patio (1) conflicts with children who have adhd (1) confrontation (1) cookie swap (1) cookies (1) corsage t (1) country christmas (1) coupon parties (1) cousins (1) coyotes (1) creative cakes (1) creative charactes (1) crepes (1) cupcakes (1) dad (1) dali lama (1) dating (1) day 11 (1) day 12 (1) day 4 (1) day 8 (1) depressed. (1) diamonds (1) dip (1) dip and Quesedillas with mango sauce. (1) diryt dozen movies... alex cavanaugh (1) dogs (1) dopamine (1) dr.seuss (1) dragons (1) dressmaker (1) earrings (1) earth day (1) earth day books (1) edible flowers (1) egg dye (1) egg whites (1) elmo (1) enchantresses3 (1) erdajt (1) failure (1) fairies (1) fall and halloween literature... pinkoween for susan komen foundation (1) family (1) fashion (1) father's day (1) fathers day (1) feast of clams.. breakfast mornings (1) featured blogger (1) feed me book friday (1) finding healing (1) firefly lane (1) fireproof (1) first time i feel like this at fall (1) (1) flip flops (1) flying fishbone resteraunt (1) folding laundry (1) friday follow (1) friendships (1) frog umbrella (1) frogs (1) fun (1) furture (1) games for holiday parties (1) gerald mcdermott (1) gerber days (1) get up early (1) gift (1) gift giving to hostess (1) giveaway contest (1) gnome costume (1) google (1) grab the button (1) hagan das (1) happiness project (1) harvest salad. (1) (1) helicopter moms (1) herb (1) holding a boy back... retention (1) holiday fun with kids (1) honey bees (1) horton (1) household things (1) hudson valley (1) hummingbird feeder (1) insect lore (1) island getaway (1) italian bees (1) j is for jewerly (1) jenny mcCarthy (1) jill murphy (1) jornaling (1) kat von d (1) kelle hampton (1) kellys korner (1) kids food (1) ladybug unit (1) last letter day 14 (1) lava cake (1) lavender wants (1) leaves (1) lego party for a 5 year old. (1) lemonade stand (1) letter to son (1) letterboxing with kids (1) letters (1) life expectancy Dean Koontz (1) life is a special occasion (1) life renewal (1) locurto (1) lost (1) lost phone (1) love Dare (1) lunch ideas (1) m and m (1) making the rounds with Oscar (1) mama kats losin it (1) martha stewart (1) mascarpone cheese (1) matzo ball soup... (1) meme (1) memorial day flowers (1) merritt books store (1) metropolitan museum of art (1) miche purse (1) midday escapades (1) milk carton houses (1) miniature doll house items sold in sets (1) moca (1) mojito cake (1) mojitos (1) mom's tea for cheers and tears (1) mother day tea (1) mother dealing with adhd (1) mother poetry (1) mothers (1) muffin tin lunch (1) my first vlog (1) my son loved them (1) nap porch (1) nectar (1) negative thinking (1) nests (1) neurofibromatosis (1) newburgh mother (1) nicholas sparks (1) nursing home (1) ocean grove (1) ode to my son (1) olives (1) one2try (1) onion domes (1) ontario (1) open house (1) options (1) organize and then treat yourself (1) oscar the grouch project (1) owl (1) paint (1) part ideas (1) party favor (1) patricia pollaco (1) pennies for peace (1) perfection (1) perfection by julie metz (1) phil collins (1) pie (1) piggy Tales number 3 (1) pigmania (1) pigs (1) pinkprep (1) pirate party (1) pollen (1) pop-top craft (1) popcorn (1) portion control (1) pre-k (1) pros and cons (1) puddle jumper (1) pumpkins (1) putting your son on the school bus for the first time. (1) ramblings and photos (1) random dozen (1) read it forward (1) readin (1) recharge (1) reflections new year (1) rock climber (1) room by emma donoghue (1) root beer (1) santa cookies (1) santa shaped snack (1) sarah's key (1) scavenenger hunt (1) seeds (1) sharon CT (1) shrimp omelette (1) sinfully delicious (1) sits day (1) smmothie (1) sneaky chef (1) snowdays (1) snowman tablescape (1) songs of three islands (1) sounds (1) split rail christmas tree farm (1) st. LUcia (1) starbucks recycle boxes (1) stella and dot (1) steven robert ciancio (1) stones into schools (1) storm trooper (1) strawberry themed party (1) stroke of insight (1) summers end (1) sunflowers (1) surprise snowballs (1) swim suit (1) tablescape of houses (1) talent (1) target (1) tarzan (1) taste of home (1) tate buds (1) tatoo (1) taxi (1) teacher appreciation (1) team edward (1) teengager (1) teeth (1) thansgiving table (1) the birth (1) the help (1) thirsty thursday (1) three cups of tea (1) tiger woods (1) tiny treasures buisness (1) tomie de paola (1) tooth fairy (1) top 11 blogs with cooking (1) tradtions (1) trendy tree house photo contest (1) turtles (1) twee poppets (1) tween (1) twilight (1) usborne children's art book (1) van gogh (1) vera bradley (1) violin (1) vitamin K (1) vivian photograhy (1) void of color (1) warwick (1) wasabi mommy (1) water (1) we read some great books at lunch about this (1) webkinz (1) wedding fall (1) weight loss (1) weight watcher recipe for chervil (1) weight watcher recipes (1) whimsical (1) win it (1) wineries (1) wineries in NY (1) winter chowder (1) wizard of oz (1) wreath making party (1) writers workship (1) writing letters to your children (1) yellow (1) you tube (1) young love (1) your town tuesday (1)