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Wednesday, February 1, 2012

INDULGENT

Well I am on week THREE of the plan... it really isn't a plan but a lifestyle... to try to eat no packaged foods and to eat vegetables at every meal and take my supplements. I added protein back in.. and in a number of weeks I will add grains. I am enjoying myself and feel better with much more energy.
 I am also trying as are a number of the people doing the TLS plan, to win a challenge/contest... kind of like a biggest loser contest... the one who exercises for 30 min 3x a week, and take photos of their healthy meals, and loses the most weight wins... ( some great prizes too) and I feel good about all this...but today my life coach through in a monkey wrench.
 She does video messages... and I opened up the message today... and she was talking about how every Monday would be a detox day..( just vegetables no oils, protein etc) NO PROBLEM.. I haven't really been doing anything off plan, so just taking away oil and protein for one day as opposed to 7 days.. is easy. THEN she told us that if we are on week 3... and I am... we can have 10-15% off something not on the plan. What does this mean ? It means I can have a piece of cake or go to lunch with friends and not feel guilty that I went "off" plan 2 times a week or two times in 7 days. ( 2 indulgences if you will) sounds great right.... WELL, it 's not... I will tell you why... ONE... I wan't to win the contest ( I know it's steep competition...but I have a competitive nature) TWO....if I indulge... I will add lbs.. and the whole idea of winning the contest is to shed pounds.. and I am working out every day... and I like it just like it is.... I don't want to have to add more time....to work off that cake. ( can you hear me laughing) but seriously.. I feel like this 10-15% is opening pandora's box...Why do I feel this way? Because I have a terrible sweet tooth after meals.. and I have worked REALLY hard in these 3 weeks to curb and train that dam sweet tooth... and I have not had any thing off the plan.. no chocolate, no sweets, just raisins in moderation and dates.
  So now she tells me... I have to do it, it's not a choice... this throws me in a tizzy.... as I leave the computer and head to work.... but I am 30 minutes early for work... and part of me says... go get an indulgence right now.... so we can get this over....and the other part says NO. Well, My little car drove right to Jones Farm, Cornwall NY and walked in and purchased one carrot cake cupcake...
I was scared as my hands shook handing the cashier the money... for one cupcake... Was this dam sweet going to break me and wreck all my hard work???? I had such mixed feelings.
 What if my blood sugar spikes and tonight I want it again.. or I reach for another indulgent....???
I opened my car... and placed the little plastic container holding my Indulgent...on the passenger side seat. I just stared at it... Do I eat you now or later? or do I just give you to my son?
 I am usually such an impulsive person.. that this is a big change... to just look at this food.
The sun lies down warm across my hands through the car window... I decide to eat it.. before I drive to work. I open up the container with a crack of plastic... I feel how dense and heavy the cupcake is... Will I be able to finish it...? Maybe I should only eat half? I take my first bite. WOW! the cream cheese sugar frosting is really sweet.... do I still like this taste? I savor it and I try to be mindful of what I am eating... carrots, walnuts....anxiety slips away...and I enjoy the indulgent. It does taste good...The sun is climbing the horizon now... and as I finish my last bite and lick my thumb clean.. and wipe my  mouth... I say.. it was good.. and I drive ... drive to work..
  I feel good that I had the sweet... but I am still worried and fearful.. that it could send me tail spinning.... I will keep you posted.....

1 comment:

Joanne said...

That cupcake looks delish. I think You are going to be ok. you have already put in so much that I think you will stay on track.
Blessings, Joanne

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