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Tuesday, April 13, 2010

M is for Mother

This is a picture of my mother- not sure where we were? but I lived with her 3 times in my life and this must of been one of the places we lived. Who my mothers were and the part they played. My biological mother shown here is turning 60 this year. My grandmother( my mom's mom) turned 84 this year. Then my dad was remarried
and married to a women name Lorna who was and is my step-mom.  My mother was 19 when she had me. I lived with my grandmother on 16 acres of land, with 2 standard poodles. I played alone alot, but I loved it and we had no Television so my grandmother and I would create art and paint - one of the reasons why I think I am so creative. (Although, I am not an artist in the sense of drawing or painting things, more abstract)
My grandmother is also very close to my 4 year old son, I try to document all the things they do with notes, and photos as my son may not remember her when she is not hear any more.
My mother is very funny and sometimes very inappropriate- I would call her a crazy pal not my mother but she did carry me for 9 months so this counts for something, and I know in her own way, she loves me.



My step-mother has been in my life since I was 2. She has been at my wedding and has been in my life even when my father died suddenly in 2003. She makes sure we all stay together as a family as my father would want it. When I was a child I went to my step-moms and my dads for every weekend and for all holidays. My family traditions are based on childhood memories that my step-mother and father put in place. I ask my self many questions as a Mother- If I died today, what regrets would I have regarding my child? Do I pay attention to him and show him hugs and love daily? Did I start family traditions and maintain them? What is a definition of a mother? the definition in the dictionary says," a women who gives birth to a child." but we know that is not the only definition of a mother.Mothers who adopt are mothers too- Adoption is when a child grew in it's mommy's heart instead of her tummy.
So how can a women be a good mother... I am sure it's up to inturpetation... but I think these are good hints
1. If you are married, let your children witness that you sincerely love and respect their father, your husband. This will teach children to know that love and respect are important in a home, it also prepares them to be loving and affectionate to their own mate, when the times comes. My father did this with my step-mother and even though we would kid around and say... EWWW take it to the bedroom I am sure we secretly were happy for them.
2. Quality time for just you and your child and if you have more than one - time separetly to talk or to just hang out.
3. Be a positive and moral role model
4. Do not be a buddy but a parent
5.Listen effectively to your children
6.Try to stay away from the negative behavior and only comment on the positive when you can.
7. Teach your children manners they are never old fashioned- teach them to be respectful
8. Teach your children to help others, a neighbor or family member
9. Teach your child that not everyone is trustworthy
10.Teach the best way you know how that arrogance is not attractive but confidence is.
11.Teach your children the meaning of friendship
12.Teach your children to be an honest person and to walk in integrity in their daily lives. We reap what we sow.
13.If you believe in God than teach your children about him
14. Teach your children to respect their elders, this is something that the new generation does not do well.

I have a book entitled 2,002 ways to show your kids you love them by Cyndi Haynes it gives lots of wonderful ideas to do with your child and great motivators when you are stuck!!! Here are a few of my favorites along with putting notes in there lunch boxes.
applaud your child's talents
tell your child what you have learned by your mistakes
Empower your child through fair and wise rules of conduct.
be sure you know cpr and the heimlich manever
Read to your child even if they are older

Mothers' of  special needs children are Mother Warriors, that's what  Jenny McCarthy calls  them in her book  entitled just that Mother Warriors

Some mothers of children who have special needs feel they are alone but they are not. I am a mother of a child with special needs, my son does not have autism, he has Neurofibromatosis, or NF1. It is a lifelong disorder that encompasses a set of distinct genetic disorders that cause tumors to grow along nerves and can affect the developments of bones and skin. In Jenny's book she advocates for her son, and talks about mothers who hear bad news about there children  but believe in miracles and are able  to carry on with strength and determination even if her partner doubts her or offers her no support.
Finally a mother is ME I am the mother to a special needs child who also has A.D.H.D. and is very busy and very distracted by all life has to offer. But my love for him is so deep. When he was born in the hospital the love that burst inside of me was too big to describe.- No matter what life has in store for me I will always remember that single, shining moment as my little touch of Heaven.  I keep a book of fun things that my son says to me, and those things make me laugh and smile, and someday when he is older and reads them he will be laughing too. I know having a son I may not have time to bake with him or shop and I won't be picking out a wedding dress for him but maybe his wife will like me? I think about friends I know and they have grown sons and they don't visit a lot and they live nearby, it breaks my heart to think he won't want or need me as a person of importance in his life, but I think that's what being a mother is ...able to let go in some ways...
  So I read a book recently Firefly Lane by Kristin Hannah and the two main people in the book are Kate and Tully. In the book Tully's birth mom, never really wants her, and one time she comes to take Tully and Tully is so happy but then the mother leaves her as a young child alone in a crowded street, and does not come back. It breaks my heart to think of the kids that are not wanted, or the mothers who don't feel what I feel, some would argue that they are NOT mothers. I just feel for the child.
Mother's day is fast approaching so tell your mother what you love about  her on the phone in a card or even an email today. I read my son Tomie de Paola's new book last night. If you love him or even if you don't

look for it in a library or bookstore near you.

IF your not a mother and are unable to conceive, I wish you a miracle, if you are a single mother- know your child will grow to appreciate you and know what you did for them. IF you are a women who is older and feel you may never have a child than adopt or "borrow" a friends child to send gifts to, or take on a day trip to the zoo, hershey park or the aquarium, your friend will thank you for the "time off" and your bond with her child will grow and you will feel like a "mother".
 Hope you did not think my MOM post was MUNDANE
Tomorrows post is about Nuiances stay tuned...
I have reposted this post for Holly at 504 Main  she does a great tickled pink feature on Fridays go visit.

21 comments:

gamommy2two said...

I loved this. Not mundane in any way. You've really got me thinking about my mom and all the things she did for me over the years.

Amy @ Homestead Revival said...

Wow! Great post! You obviously are at peace with all the trials that God has brought into your life to make you the beautiful person I see coming forth from your writing! You're son is very blessed! But having adopted three children myself, I know that as moms, we're the one's who are blessed to have such a privilege to be their parents!

Thanks for visiting Homestead Revival! You asked about some bee bloggers. Here are a couple that I've come across and enjoy:

http://livingthefrugallife.blogspot.com/
http://beehuman.blogspot.com/

Marjorie said...

All very great advice. I love being a mom.

I admire mothers with special needs children. They really are warriors.

Lisa said...

Mundane? Au contraire! I loved it! My cousin's little boy has severe medical/physical problems and it touches my heart to see how much she adores him, even when he can't show her any love in return. That's being a mom.

Grammy said...

Wonderful heartwarming post! What a beautiful little boy you have; I can see the love for you shining in his eyes as he posed for the picture. God bless you, my dear.
Ruby

gayle said...

Sounds like you are a wonderful mother.

Ellie said...

Great post; Your son is adorable! He looks like you; gorgeous pic of you on one of your
special days! It was such a wonderful post;
I appreciate you sharing so much of yourself and your heart! Sounds like your grandmother and step Mom made sure you were raised right!
You have a big heart; Thanks for sharing about your son's disorder. I always feel it is important to share; it can help other people. Communicating also brings awareness!
I love being a Mom, I know sometimes I don't always react the way I think I should, but over all, I am there for them and include them in my life and they include me in theirs! Great post~

KLZ said...

Over from 504 Main.

I enjoyed reading but laughed out loud when I saw the image of Molly Ringwald in your sidebar.

I'm easily distracted....

Olivia said...

Stumbled upon you from "Tickled Pink." Love your music--we listen to Collective Soul all the time here!
Your post sounds a lot like a series I've been doing on Kingdom Parenting. I would love to have you come over and check it out (just scroll down and look for posts with "Kingdom Parenting" in the title) and comment. You sound like a wise mommy!

Natalie said...

Oh, such a wonderful post, and so heartful. Makes me want to hug my mom!

Over from 504 Main to say hello :)

Holly said...

I absolutely LOVE this post. Motherhood is so many things and changes and forms you so profoundly. The way you describe your mothers and then yourself as a mother is quite beautiful. I love your list of how to be a good mother. #1 sticks with me...this is often discounted way to easily and is so important. I believe it sets a tone for future relationships with your children and them with their friends, etc.

THANKS for linking up.

Rayna M. Iyer said...

Wonderful post, and you have perfectly summed up motherhood.
Till I had my kids, I never realised what being a mother actually meant, but now, I wonder how I ever survived without being a mother.

Janice said...

Lisa, you and I are so much alike it isn't even funny.

I too had a closer relationship with my grandma.

And you are a great mom.

Love you!

misssrobin said...

What a wonderful tribute to mothers.

Mary @ Redo 101 said...

You are the biggest blessing - I think you hit me on nearly every point in this post: adoption, special needs child, Mother Warrior (for sure), father's death, and especially being there for our children no matter what. Love your heart, keep writing, and thanks.

divinepainter said...

Your stories are breathtakingly honest. Bravo to you for putting out there honestly and eloquently. Happy SITS Day! :)

Marie said...

I enjoyed reading that...Happy early Mothers Day!

Grams said...

Stopping by from SITS. I love this post. I was raised by both my parents as part of a large family. But, I have found many women in my life have played the mother role from time to time. When possible I try to provide that for others too. Great post!

Lauren said...

What a sweet thoughtful post, thanks for sharing!

Happy SITS day!

Angie said...

What a beautiful post!

Happy SITS day!

Victoria said...

I love your transparency with your beautiful mother's heart! God will meet you where you are with Him, rest assured. Praying for you, one Psalm at a time :)

~Stopping by with SITS!

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