Free 28 Day Holiday Challenge

Free 28 Day Holiday Challenge
Slow down this holiday season- click on the snow to find out more about this challenge

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Retained

The school year ended a few weeks ago... and I was in constant contact with my son's teacher... so I knew.. they were thinking of retaining him.. The graduation... was so cute... and I loved hearing ... songs... I once sang with my pre-k students.. song by MY son... but it was bittersweet.. to know.. some of the friends he made this year... would move on to first grade.. and he would be left in the dust.. and maybe they would forget him... BUT deep inside.. I was sure I was making the right decision... or was I ?
I can't help but feel like I failed him in some way.. not preparing him for 1st grade.. I have taught many pre-k students... to read, to be more independent... but my own son not ready.....?




 I have noticed.. that people like to tell me what to do.. as if I was a 19 year old.. just learning the ropes... I had my grandmother.. tell me that I should fight the decision... to hold him back.. and just send him to 1st... Why ??/ would I want to do that.... and have him struggle.. .in 1st... how is that helpful??? Many people believe you should not have a child repeat kindergarten... the theory is that experts warn that the risks may outweigh the benefits....
  Like many other mothers...  I do realize that success in kindergarten depends on many factors, not all intellectual..... I know they take in to account... fine motor skills ( in which my son's are weak) they take in to account social emotional issues.... I know developmentally that some kids can read...by the end of Kindergarten...but with all the practice I did with my son with flashcards... (sight words) he still was not blending or chunking words....and 1st grade is a lot of reading.. and if he can't do it.. isn't it going to be that much harder.. and his ADHD... has him a bit out of focus.. too... so that is 2 strikes.... against him... so I thought... why not... give him a little more time?

Some one told me it's a gift of time.. for my son to be retained.. and I agreed, until I heard someone say.. It's a waste of time...then I read this quote- and became... a little unsure
," Schools that favor retention ignore the research, which has shown that most children don't catch up when held back. There may be individual cases in which a child benefits, such as it he missed a lot of school because of illness or a move, or if he has significant delays in all areas of development, but according to organizations such as NAYEC, the National Education Association, and the National Association of School Psychologists, the best option in most cases is to provide specific support to help the student catch up during the remainder of kindergarten, over the summer, and in the first grade."
 After reading this information... I was torn... I have  a reading tutor.. hired for the summer.. .. but now.. should I send him to first??? or stick to the teachers' recommendation.. about retention?


Then people started talking about the social stigma of being held back... and how it can have a major impact on a child's attitude... Really?????? at age 6?????  they even went as far to say that boys that are held back in kindergarten, by middle school...have behavior problems and are bored ??? Not sure I agree....

I wanted my son retained... but I wanted him to have another teacher... not because I had any problems with his kindergarten teacher... I didn't.. but I felt he needed to have a different educational experience, as well as interventions and support to address his areas of need.

In the end the issue is about the kids and about how we collectively define learning.Perhaps the intense pressure at a young age amongst those financially capable of sending their kids to private school stems from a  a national public education system that is profoundly broken, where many kids cannot ever read to grade level.

As parents we should know better than to put our anxiety on our kids like some kind of disease. Education is suppose to be an adventure, one that is largely directed by the child's own passions... and I try to nurture that.. by day trips...and lessons plans... in my home. My husband is a science teacher and I can see my son's eyes light up like a Christmas tree when  my husband brings home something science related and my son discovers it new and eagerly.
Learning grows like a weed among children when it is shared. One child reinforces another's learning. It is a much a process for the group as the individual.
I have noticed that more boys are being held back. We know that the development of verbal skills for boys at that age can be 12 to 18 months behind girls, yet they are in the same classrooms with similar, if not identical, expectations.
I can't be sure I made the right decision.. in keeping my son back.. I tell him it's a change to play more and get his brain bigger... but I hope it allows him to be on the older end, rather than the younger end, maybe it will allow him to start for a sports team as opposed to sitting on the bench. He may be one of the first to drive....
I know that there are people who disagree with me.. but I have to do what I feel is right for me, and my son.
   I wish kindergarten had had more play... and recess was not a thing of the past... but I have to hope... that  he grows a little more mature this summer... and that he does not have trouble... reading....

6 comments:

Joanne said...

It's hard isn't it? you are such a loving mom. You want whats best for him. You know your son best...do what is in your heart. you have his best interests at heart and no matter what you decide, he has a wonderful supportive Mom every step of the way.
Blessings, Joanne

Ella said...

I think u did the right thing ;there are so many children that needed to repeat n didn t. Xxx

Ella said...

Listen to your heart

Sweet Tea said...

Call it a "growth year". Time is your friend, and later, as you see him prepare for high school graduation you'll be so thankful you had him "one more year" before you had to send him out into the world. You've done him a favor, rather than a disservice. Breathe deeply and read my lips "He WILL learn to read". I promise.

My 2 boys are grown men now, but I've been where you are. It will all be OK - actually it will all be GREAT!

Arlee Bird said...

I don't remember doing much of anything in Kindergarten other than playing games, drawing pictures, hearing stories, and just being unstressed. Kids today have a lot weighing upon them.


Lee
Tossing It Out

Gabrielle Evelyn said...

Dear,

Just do your best and no need to think too much.

Karen Millen dresses

Fountain of Health

Fountain of Health
Welcome

Trying to lose weight and gain more energy?

how far have you come to visit?

My Blog List

parent/ blogs

vegan blogs

A.D.H.D.

plant based blogs

Blog Archive

Labels

letters of love from china (5) Are you in a book club? (3) Higland NY (3) andersruff.etsy.com (3) death (3) elf on the shelf (3) mothers day (3) muffin tin monday (3) photography (3) tablescape (3) 15 top books (2) Ashley (2) Letter S is the A to Z challenge (2) adoption (2) ashley sisk (2) books (2) caffeine (2) cinco de mayo (2) del.icio.us (2) depression (2) easter (2) eggs (2) emotions (2) facebook (2) food (2) friends (2) gaining weight (2) gingerbread decorating party (2) help (2) journaling (2) kindergarten (2) lavender ice cream (2) male end of the year gifts (2) parties (2) pink and green thursday (2) questions (2) scavenger hunt (2) summer wedding (2) weight watchers (2) #2 (1) 10 best things about my christmas (1) 1st in a series from A-z. (1) 20 minute meals (1) 200 follower (1) 2011 best blogs (1) 5 minutes peace (1) 5 question friday from fivecookedhalos (1) 5 top books (1) 504 main (1) ADHD (1) ARuba (1) Alicia Quintana (1) Alzheimers (1) Asparagus (1) Benmarl winery (1) Between YOU and ME (1) Chuang Yen Monastery (1) DO you have an elf on your shelf? (1) Dear Mrs. LaRue (1) Demetia (1) E.L.F make up (1) Escoffier (1) Farm market food (1) Father (1) Fawn (1) Fine arts (1) Forgiveness (1) Giveaway MAY (1) Happy for no reason (1) Highlandcafe (1) Hoboken (1) Jan (1) Jones farm (1) Leave me a comment please (1) March (1) Mark Teague (1) May 1st (1) Millbrok (1) Miss. Dutchess county Pageant (1) Mommy's piggy tales (1) NAPA valley (1) NJ (1) Nitendo wii giveaway (1) Oblong Millerton NY (1) Patrick's day clues and fun (1) Pier 1... and tasting party (1) Post office in pre-k (1) Proust (1) Pysanky (1) Salmon (1) St. pat's lunch (1) Steve Ciancio Auto body (1) Umami (1) Vassar Collge (1) Victoria Martorano (1) WIN (1) Westpoint Ny (1) Xenium (1) Y is for (1) You'll be in my heart (1) Yummee cupcake cafe (1) Zinfindel (1) a jornal for jordan (1) adhdmomma (1) adventures in bento making (1) and name of Lisa (1) ann landers (1) apiphobia (1) artistic (1) aspargaus primavera (1) authors (1) autism (1) back tatoo (1) backyard flock (1) bake me a wish (1) barnes and noble (1) beach (1) bed and breakfast (1) bento boxes (1) bird (1) bisphenol-A free cans (1) black pumpkin (1) blog (1) blog hop (1) blog party (1) bloom into fashion (1) book club holilday party (1) book fair (1) book review (1) bree tanner (1) bride and groom corpse (1) bridesmaids the movie girls not out night (1) bulletin board (1) bumble bee (1) cake boss (1) calm (1) camera (1) candy apples (1) canfield casino in congress park (1) carmel (1) carnival (1) cell phone use (1) chair (1) change your life (1) charlie smith (1) charming place (1) cheating (1) cheesecake (1) chicken coop (1) childhood (1) children's books (1) children's miracle network (1) chipmunks... (1) chocolate rabbits. (1) christmas tree farm (1) clean eating (1) coffe on the patio (1) conflicts with children who have adhd (1) confrontation (1) cookie swap (1) cookies (1) corsage t (1) country christmas (1) coupon parties (1) cousins (1) coyotes (1) creative cakes (1) creative charactes (1) crepes (1) cupcakes (1) dad (1) dali lama (1) dating (1) day 11 (1) day 12 (1) day 4 (1) day 8 (1) depressed. (1) diamonds (1) dip (1) dip and Quesedillas with mango sauce. (1) diryt dozen movies... alex cavanaugh (1) dogs (1) dopamine (1) dr.seuss (1) dragons (1) dressmaker (1) earrings (1) earth day (1) earth day books (1) edible flowers (1) egg dye (1) egg whites (1) elmo (1) enchantresses3 (1) erdajt (1) failure (1) fairies (1) fall and halloween literature... pinkoween for susan komen foundation (1) family (1) fashion (1) father's day (1) fathers day (1) feast of clams.. breakfast mornings (1) featured blogger (1) feed me book friday (1) finding healing (1) firefly lane (1) fireproof (1) first time i feel like this at fall (1) fiveminutesformom.com (1) flip flops (1) flying fishbone resteraunt (1) folding laundry (1) friday follow (1) friendships (1) frog umbrella (1) frogs (1) fun (1) furture (1) games for holiday parties (1) gerald mcdermott (1) gerber days (1) get up early (1) gift (1) gift giving to hostess (1) giveaway contest (1) gnome costume (1) google (1) grab the button (1) hagan das (1) happiness project (1) harvest salad. (1) heartsmakefamilies.com (1) helicopter moms (1) herb (1) holding a boy back... retention (1) holiday fun with kids (1) honey bees (1) horton (1) household things (1) hudson valley (1) hummingbird feeder (1) insect lore (1) island getaway (1) italian bees (1) j is for jewerly (1) jenny mcCarthy (1) jill murphy (1) jornaling (1) kat von d (1) kelle hampton (1) kellys korner (1) kids food (1) ladybug unit (1) last letter day 14 (1) lava cake (1) lavender wants (1) leaves (1) lego party for a 5 year old. (1) lemonade stand (1) letter to son (1) letterboxing with kids (1) letters (1) life expectancy Dean Koontz (1) life is a special occasion (1) life renewal (1) locurto (1) lost (1) lost phone (1) love Dare (1) lunch ideas (1) m and m (1) making the rounds with Oscar (1) mama kats losin it (1) martha stewart (1) mascarpone cheese (1) matzo ball soup... (1) meme (1) memorial day flowers (1) merritt books store (1) metropolitan museum of art (1) miche purse (1) midday escapades (1) milk carton houses (1) miniature doll house items sold in sets (1) moca (1) mojito cake (1) mojitos (1) mom's tea for cheers and tears (1) mother day tea (1) mother dealing with adhd (1) mother poetry (1) mothers (1) muffin tin lunch (1) my first vlog (1) my son loved them (1) nap porch (1) nectar (1) negative thinking (1) nests (1) neurofibromatosis (1) newburgh mother (1) nicholas sparks (1) nursing home (1) ocean grove (1) ode to my son (1) olives (1) one2try (1) onion domes (1) ontario (1) open house (1) options (1) organize and then treat yourself (1) oscar the grouch project (1) owl (1) paint (1) part ideas (1) party favor (1) patricia pollaco (1) pennies for peace (1) perfection (1) perfection by julie metz (1) phil collins (1) pie (1) piggy Tales number 3 (1) pigmania (1) pigs (1) pinkprep (1) pirate party (1) pollen (1) pop-top craft (1) popcorn (1) portion control (1) pre-k (1) pros and cons (1) puddle jumper (1) pumpkins (1) putting your son on the school bus for the first time. (1) ramblings and photos (1) random dozen (1) read it forward (1) readin (1) recharge (1) reflections new year (1) rock climber (1) room by emma donoghue (1) root beer (1) santa cookies (1) santa shaped snack (1) sarah's key (1) scavenenger hunt (1) seeds (1) sharon CT (1) shrimp omelette (1) sinfully delicious (1) sits day (1) smmothie (1) sneaky chef (1) snowdays (1) snowman tablescape (1) songs of three islands (1) sounds (1) split rail christmas tree farm (1) st. LUcia (1) starbucks recycle boxes (1) stella and dot (1) steven robert ciancio (1) stones into schools (1) storm trooper (1) strawberry themed party (1) stroke of insight (1) summers end (1) sunflowers (1) surprise snowballs (1) swim suit (1) tablescape of houses (1) talent (1) target (1) tarzan (1) taste of home (1) tate buds (1) tatoo (1) taxi (1) teacher appreciation (1) team edward (1) teengager (1) teeth (1) thansgiving table (1) the birth (1) the help (1) thirsty thursday (1) three cups of tea (1) tiger woods (1) tiny treasures buisness (1) tomie de paola (1) tooth fairy (1) top 11 blogs with cooking (1) tradtions (1) trendy tree house photo contest (1) turtles (1) twee poppets (1) tween (1) twilight (1) usborne children's art book (1) van gogh (1) vera bradley (1) violin (1) vitamin K (1) vivian photograhy (1) void of color (1) warwick (1) wasabi mommy (1) water (1) we read some great books at lunch about this (1) webkinz (1) wedding fall (1) weight loss (1) weight watcher recipe for chervil (1) weight watcher recipes (1) whimsical (1) win it (1) wineries (1) wineries in NY (1) winter chowder (1) wizard of oz (1) wreath making party (1) writers workship (1) writing letters to your children (1) yellow (1) you tube (1) young love (1) your town tuesday (1)

Pages