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Saturday, April 16, 2011

N is for Negativity

So I am a bit behind on the A-Z... challenge..but still in the game... I am on N... and everyone else is on M... but I will catch up....
I was born on a Monday... in 1969... I have always been negative... think the worst... feel down.. never looking at the bright side of a situation...
IN highschool I was a happy person... I really was.. I laughed a lot.. I had fun.. and I didn't feel beat down. Sure I had bad days... but I was not like I am now.
 There was a tragedy in the town... next to ours.. on the news this week....

A distressed mother drove her vehicle off a boat dock into the Hudson River April 12, drowning herself and three of her four children.

A New York district attorney told the Associated Press that 25 year-old Lashandra Armstrong was the sole person responsible for the deaths.

Orange County District Attorney Frank Phillips said no charges will be filed after police questioned the father of the deceased children. The man reportedly had a dispute with Armstrong at her house in Newburgh, N.Y. just before she piled the children into their black minivan shortly before 8 p.m. that night.

Armstrong’s eldest child, La’Shaun, 10, managed to roll down a window and escape the submerged vehicle.

According to Time magazine, the boy climbed out of the water and waved down help from a woman who took him to a nearby fire station to alert rescuers.

It took fire crews an hour to recover the van, which was submerged in 10 feet of water roughly 25 yards offshore, according to Time.

Armstrong and three children, Landon Pierre, 5, Lance Pierre, 2, and 11-month-old Lainaina Pierre, were all found dead inside.

Her aunt, Angela Gilliam, told The New York Times that her niece was “not too good” when she spoke with her earlier that day, prompting her to call police about what she believed was a domestic dispute.

By the time officers arrived at Armstrong’s home, she had already driven away. Police say there had been no reports of domestic violence at her address prior to that call.

A daycare provider who had been watching the children that morning told Time that Armstrong “seemed like she was having a bad day.”

"I could see that something was kind of bothering her but she didn't talk about it. She wasn't one to talk about her business,” said Shaniesha Strange. “The only thing she'd say was that she was so alone. She's a single parent, she takes great care of her kids, goes to school, and works. She really needed a helping hand."

According to The New York Times, Meave Ryan, the woman who carried La’Shaun to the fire station, said the frightened boy told her why his mother was troubled.

“There was an argument about cheating, that his stepfather was cheating on his mother,” Ryan told police.

Sharon Ramirez, a 22-year-old neighbor and friend of Armstrong, said the relationship between Armstrong and Jean Pierre, 26, the father of the three dead children, merely looked perfect from the outside.

“There were a lot of things going on. They had a rocky relationship,” she told The Times. Ramirez said she had had a three-month affair with Pierre when Armstrong was pregnant with their youngest child.

Ryan said La’Shaun also told her more about the final moments of the tragedy.

As the minivan rolled into the water, he recalled, his mother grabbed the children and said, “If I’m going to die, you’re going to die with me.” She soon regretted the decision as they began to sink, saying “Oh, my God, I made a mistake, I made a mistake.” She tried to shift the vehicle into reverse, but it was too late. That’s when La’Shaun said he escaped.

Gilliam said the boy is doing “fine” now and will be living with her.

Many people... have heard this story... and had many negative things to say about this women.. 
I feel for the children.. who suffered....
But no one... seems to see her pain.... She may have been depressed, overwhelmed... or just feeling negative... and it got the best of her. I know what happened is extreme... and many of us have ebbs and flow.. and feel ying and yang... emotions... but we are so busy... we don't look for the signs... of someone in pain, lonely, or needing a pick me up.

I have been a human black hole... I can suddenly come out of nowhere and just suck the life out of someone...with my negativity...I bet a friend or two would say I exhausted them with it...I always laugh that I am a energy vampire... I don't really demean others or attack them... My mother called me the Drama Queen at the end of high-school.. after my rape.. she never knew I had been raped.. and I did not see the correlation till later in life.. but everything bothered me....
I try to think about......
1.Where is this coming from? sometimes someone is negative from hating a job... or feeling frustrated, trapped in their life or a low self-esteem.I guess I whine and complain... to be heard ... and if I am heard maybe I will get what I want..
2. I try to smile... when I am with someone who is negative when I am not.. and I try to just listen to their tirade, and be positive. I try not to let them drag me into the negativity.
3. I have learned to try and tell the negative friend a positive story after they tell me the tragic story. It doesn't always work.. 
4. I try to imagine a bright white light surrounding me... when I am negative... I has worked a few times feels like a imaginary force field.
 My sister has always been a very positive person... I have never heard her broadcasting negativity... she was a lot like my father.. I did not hear him do that much either....He told me," Negative thoughts, words and attitude bring up negative and unhappy moods and actions."

I think I read once that when the mind is negative, poisons are released into the blood, which cause more unhappiness and negativity. This is the way to failure, frustration and disappointment.

" the positive thinker sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible."

In the job force.. there are many kinds of negative personalities....
Locomotive people... are ones who stem-roll over people.. this is not me
Perfectionist..... not husband...
Resisters..... people who change can cause negativity...
Rumormongers... not me at all
Pessimists... yes that is me, these people experience the world as an unpleasant place... They are unhappy with the way thins are no matter what you try to do for them..
Criticizers... that is my grandmother
Sacrificers-I have been hear before.. feeling like my hard work is unappreciated.
Scapegoaters... also my husband
Self-castigators...get upset with self...
Micros- focus on the smallest detail or mistake....
Eggshells... they are very sensitive to comments... this can be me.. sometimes...

I know that I have a good life, I am lucky to have things many might not have, I have a child.. and some have difficulty with that... I want to be positive.. but things from the past... make me feel defeated... much of the time... SO ... I will be looking for someone in a row boat.. to throw me..a life preserver... I wish someone had been able to do the same for Lashanda...

thanks for listening to me vent and whine...


Jeanne said...

Very touching story. I like how you related it back to you and your own feelings. YOu are absolutely right. No one knows what depression is like for another person.My husband has chronic depression and I am like an eternal optimist. "Oh, its okay that the tidal wave knocked over our house. It needed a good washing anyway."
But we kind of complement each other and I help him when he is not thinking rationally. Usually he is viewing a very small problem as being absolutely huge. Lots of love to you.

Hart Johnson said...

This is such a sad story. A person doesn't do this if they feel they have an alternative. That isn't to say they DON'T, because mental illness can lead us to not see or look for what is available, but it is so sad that no one saw how it was. I am chronically positive, sure things will work out. But I have loved more than one person who've had moments intent on suicide. As fellow humans, the best we can do is to try to really see, and when something is that wrong, ACT. (I had someone arrested once who couldn't 'contract for his own safety'--3 days locked up saved his life)

Ella said...

It is good to share this; we all have down days and also need to be more aware. This could have been prevented, so tragically sad~ I have been around a lot of woes are me. It is hard sometimes, but we all have good moments and bad. Life is a roller coaster...Hang on! Sorry you didn't get what you needed after your rape. You needed care n' heal! I hope you have tried to get it...xXx

doreen said...

It truly frightens me when I think back on my darkest moments...a rape; an infant that died, a divorce, being a single mom, a murder, the rape of a loved one, cancer I could go on and on. I have been on the edge of the bridge and the warm hand of something always brought me back. I feel for the woman but cannot help wondering why she didn't reach for help. The poor child that has to find a way to go on. My stepson found his 17 yr. old brother hanging in the garage. He was 15. He is now 30 and still struggling daily to get the picture out of his mind.

TheyCallMeVarmit said...

That's a sad story. Don't know what it is about rivers, but lots of people here have taken that route as well. I've been there a time or two, but alone.

Thing is, people that haven't "been through stuff"...and a surprising number of people have never been through "stuff"..can never understand. They can't help the inner feelings because they can't relate, and people who have been through stuff need people who can one wants to feel alone, even though we always feel alone. Stuff like rape and abuse changes a person (or some type of mental illness like the river mom had), and it's hard making "outsiders" understand that.'s good to vent, so great post. be completely inappropriate right now.... I like your blog, so here's a Stylish Blooger Award:

Arlee Bird said...

I had heard the story about this distraught mother but had not heard the details. It's sad thing when a parent decides to take their kids with them when they want to end it all.

The ultimate point is that most of us can decide whether we want to be happy and positive. It may not always be the easiest thing in the world to do for some of us, but the decision is there.

Help is out there for all of us when we need it. We need to ask when we feel the need and offer what we can when we see the need in others. We don't have to rely on ourselves, but it is up to us to make the decisions in the end.

Very good indepth and thought-provoking post.

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